![]() Kevin: I don’t believe such a place exists. (image of censored naked girls pop up the Critic pushes it out of the way angrily) NC: The Internet! It's all over the place. Where guys can see naked girls all they want, twenty-four hours a day. get out of here before I kill you!īrad: I know a place where the girls are naked all the time. If you want the equivalence of Full House talking about their sexual discoveries. (clip from Full Housecharacters who look almost exactly like them) NC (v/o): You got one kid always telling jokes, another kid who's concerned with being clean and the last kid who's obsessed with his leather jacket and good-looking hair. (clips show the kids as the Critic's describing them) Don't believe me? Don't believe me that's overly sappy and cutesy? Well, let's take a look at the three kids here. But they're doing it in such a cutesy way. NC (v/o): Okay, here's the thing: if you wanna talk about a kid's sexual discovery, that's fine. Kevin: My dad demands complete order and sanitation. (Kevin brushes crumbs off Brad's shirt into a dustpan)īrad: Will you stop cleaning? Why do you do that? (then cut to a porno where a woman is heard moaning) (Brad gestures in front of his chest, meaning "breasts" as they look at girls walking by) NC (v/o): So he goes to one of those schools where the kids conveniently have no copyrighted images on their clothes as we see our three little heroes are pretty damn obsessed about this whole sex thing. NC: (spits out water he was drinking) Why is it I'm always drinking when a scene like that happens?!įrank: Are you going to tell me about Mom or not? But he's having a little bit of trouble.įrank: They assigned this, but I'm getting nowhere with it! You can't really relate that to the real world.įrank: Like, was Mom a virgin before you married her? It turns out Frank is studying sex education in school. NC (v/o): So after the charming "flashlight boob" scene, we cut to our main kid named Frank and his dad (Tom), played by Ed Harris. ![]() (cut back to the three "morons" holding their flashlights to the ceiling) It must've come from an ancient alien tribe! Let's try to milk it! (tries to "milk" it) NC: (holding a hair scrunchie) What's this? I don't know. Just because we're boys doesn't mean we're total friggin' morons. ![]() NC (v/o): Okay, was I born a chick? Because even I knew what these things were at that age. Kevin: I think it's a travel-drinking cup.īrad: (inspects an eyelash curler) I found it in my sister's room. (opens a container which consists of a female condom)īrad: (inspecting it) It goes at the bottom of the bathtub to stop the drain.įrank (Michael Patrick Carter): No it doesn't. Kevin (Brian Christopher): I found it in my mom's secret drawer. ![]() It turns out a bunch of boys are having a girl slumber party, complete with giggling, talking about crushes and having no fucking clue what the hell they're talking about. NC (v/o): And add Melanie Griffith's name over that and we're off to a good start. NC (v/o): So how does this charming little romp of a movie begin anyway?īrad (Adam LaVorgna): You ever fart and sneeze at the same time? NC: (speaks quickly) Who says they do? Not me. How the hell are you supposed to have a whimsical, semi-family comedy established when that's your friggin' setup? NC (v/o): Yeah, it can only go downhill from there. NC (voiceover): Okay, here's the premise: A bunch of little boys want to see a grown prostitute naked. (clips from the movie play as the song "This Heart" by Nanci Griffith plays) And I think that anyone could say that of today's film: Milk Money. To make a creepy idea charming doesn't make it charming.
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